Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Monty Python. No more gigs this summer. Sinus disease. Women are better. Running out of CDs? What to do! At the home. Previews.

JCHNOBODY EXPECTS

Roger CortonThe Spanish Inquisition!

JCHI love it. For our generation it’s like ‘Shave and a haircut. Two Biiiits!’. It’s like an irresistible reflex.

RCIt’s a given. But as much as I love Python, why are we talking about this?

JCHBecause it never really dawned on me how multi-layered that skit really is. I mean, I’d almost forgotten about Graham and Carol. With each ‘take’ they get less and less engaged with the whole business. Even though it’s THE SPANISH INQUISITION! They’re just tired of the whole thing.

RCLook. Spit it out. There’s a point in there somewhere, right?

JCHOK, ya got me. It looks like there will be no tour this summer.

RCWhat? Why?

JCHBecause, Dear Readers, my nose is once again, ‘filled with disease’ (as a recent CT scan reports.) Apparently, the errant surgery I had done five years ago is the gift that just keeps on giving. The (cough) ‘event’ that caused me to cancel the Big Reunion back in February? That was a warning sign: no planes for you until you get this sorted! So I figured I should let people know since that’s pretty much the main kind of messages I get from fans these days.

RCWhen are you coming to my town?

JCHExactly. And thus, The Spanish Inquisition metaphor. Every year there seems to be yet another ‘health’ thing and I’m sure fans get as drug with it as I do. Like the players in that little skit, after enough times, they just can’t get worked up about it. I’m as sick of having to get out here every other month with a new ‘problem’ as you are to talk about it.

RCI get it. So, now what?

JCHNo idea. I’m stuck until September. Gotta have another ‘procedure’. Apparently, this thing is no joke.

RCYuck. No chance to just let sleeping noses lie?

JCHHow. Very. Droll. That’s what I’ve been doing. Which has not been a great strategy.

RCDeath. By post nasal drip. I’m seeing a ‘Saw’ sequel.

JCHThere is a certain humor to this. Because some of it is my own fault. I’ve always been so concerned with sounding like I’m ‘whining’ that when a doctor would just shrug and say “live with it, yer middle aged.” I’d just shrug and leave. The ironic thing… WARNING, unPC alert… Yer typical woman wouldn’t see a doctor unless she’d been hit by a bus. But on the other hand, once you did get her into the doctor’s office, she’d raise hell until she got ANSWERS! She would never take ‘just live with it’ as an answer. Me? I’ve been dripping everywhere and generally being miserable for five years. Women are generally better that way.

RCAh… male pride.

JCHIndeed. So maybe I’ll finally get it sorted. But not this summer. The earliest I can get surgered…

RCSurgered?

JCHGo with it. It’s creative. Don’t you recall all our chats about ‘creativity’? Anyhoo, I’m sticking close to home for the rest of the summer. Speaking which, how was yer holiday?

RCOh. Good. Hot. Back to the show.

JCHRight. Another thing to report: ya know how I keep saying I’m running out of albums? Well, I’m really running out of albums. I mean, I’m down to maybe the last 200.

RCOf which album?

JCHOf every album.

RCSo… make some more.

JCHDude. You know that expression, “You gotta have money to make money?”

RCWe’ll figure something out.

JCHMy point is that it’s kinda weird. What with the death of CDs, I thought I’d reach a certain point where there would be a pile of CDs just moldering in the garage next to the router table. Maybe I’d take a bunch out to make retro mobiles.

RCCreative.

JCHYou bet. But still, they do fly off the shelves…

RCThey never really ‘flew’ off the shelves.

JCHOK, truthfully it’s more like they wheeled themselves down the hall of the assisted living facility towards the evening fruit cup. And then they kinda did a graceful swan dive off the shelf. Happy now? The point is that it’s an interesting situation. If they had stopped selling entirely, there’d be nothing to say. But they do sell in dribs and drabs. So I wonder whether it’s a good idea to whip up another batch or just leave it be.

RCCreate ‘scarcity’? (laughs). So now you want to do ‘marketing’? I don’t think your sales numbers are big enough to test that theory. Make more.

JCHWe’ll see. I’m so tired, right now. I’d just like to focus on the new material.

RCCool. How are things going on the new record. ..er… ‘records’.

JCHActually, we can try your idea of ‘previews’.

RCReally? You have some samples to share?

JCHI do. Next time. I gotta go soak.

RCCan’t wait. Enjoy your soak.